One of the biggest shadow within us is the fear of dying. Most people do not like to contemplate on their mortality. That is why it can become very painful for them when someone in the family starts to die from a terminal illness for it strikes too close to home.

My first memory of death was when I was little child. My maternal grandfather was dying of cancer of the stomach. All I could remember was seeing him frail and in pain as he was dying. Try as I might, I could not recall his funeral. Perhaps it was because my family shielded us from it as was the habits in those days or maybe my memory has somehow shut that painful experience from my consciousness.

My next encounter with death was when I was a third year medical student. I was assigned to follow up on a young girl of about 17 years old who was admitted for complication from a chronic rheumatic heart disease that has caused her heart valve to fail. She was admitted for treatment under the care of one of my lecturers.

One morning I visited her in her room, trying to collect information about her illness and her symptoms that eventually led to her admission. She had a beautiful smile and a pleasant personality, and it was easy talking to her. The next morning when I came back to visit her, her bed was empty. I found out from the ward nurse that she had died in the night from an embolus that had gone to her brain. Part of the bacterial vegetation that had grown on her heart valves had broken off and got lodged in her brain. Essentially she suffered a massive stroke from it and died. It was a great shock to me to learn first hand of the fragility of life. One day she was here and the next day she was gone, and at such a young age.

Eventually when I became a doctor working in the hospitals, it became a common thing to encounter death. It is in the hospitals that I saw people dealing with death and dying in different ways.

Generally, it is those patients and family members who have somehow come to term with their own mortality that are able to deal with the dying process in a more graceful manner. Those who cannot suffer considerable pain in their struggle to fight the inevitable. Denial can be painful not just for those who deny but also the people around them. Communication becomes strain. Truth gets pushed to the sideline. In such tense situations, even simple things can become unnecessarily complicated.

This is true not just when we deny or repress our fear of death. Like the pain we suffer each time we refuse to face our mortality, we tend to suffer more every time we refuse to face our shadow in any forms - guilt, anger, shame, blame.

The good news is that once we have acknowledge and embrace our fear of death, death itself need not be painful for long. In fact, death can be a beautiful reminder of the preciousness and beauty of life. I learned this from a patient who was not only able to accept her own death but has the courage to make arrangement for her own funeral, listing down who to invite, what to give away and to whom, the poem she would like to share with her friends and family members. She even had someone read out a recollection of her ups and downs in her life, people who have touched her and enriched her life. Those who were there felt their loss of a great friend and family but were grateful for having her in their lives.

Such is the nature when we are able to embrace our shadow. The very act of embracing our shadow dissolves it, and can transform what would have been a painful experience into something truly beautiful and memorable.

About the Author

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor with keen interest in self improvement, mind science and spirituality. He is also the author of "From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey" - a book that explores our hidden fears and how we can overcome them. Dr. Ong shares his personal experience as well as relates stories and lessons from his patients. You can get a copy of his ebook here (with a special discount): From Fear to Love.

This short video clip takes a look at the heavy costs of fear. Fear (1) stops us from positive changes, such as building relationships and speaking in public, (2) prevents us from changing destructive habits, such as smoking, drinking, being a couch potato, laziness, (3) makes us averse to taking risks in relationships and career, and (4) prevents us from pursuing our dreams and goals in life. Our fear prevents us from living life to the fullest.

This is a book on forgiving that is very well written, easy to read and understand, and even poetic. Here is what a reader said about it:

"I learned more than I ever wanted to know about myself by reading this book. The friend who gave it to me warned me that I would want to stop reading it. I did have to stop reading a few times and talk it out with her. It gave me an insight into myself and my attitude and definition of forgiveness I had never even imagined before. It has given me very useful tools that work. I will highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with forgiveness."

Here is another comment:

"This is another one of the books of Paul Ferrini, I recently completed reading. After finding his work, I seem to want to read everything he has ever written. He is an important modern-day poet. His writing is beautiful prose to me. There is wisdom and truth in his work that is easy to assimilate, for me personally. I believe I was searching not to understand forgiveness for others, but to find forgiveness for myself, when I chose this book.

I was looking for forgiveness for my own transgressions against myself and I believe I found it here. I was changed after reading this book. What is really unusual, is that I feel that way, after each book I complete, that he has written. We must be on eachother's spiritual path, our paths crossing at this time. Paul Ferrini, how did you learn all of these things? Each book I have read, I've had to pass along to a friend afterword because of the value I've gained from his work. He may become a most important author in the world. I feel honored to have found his work and heard his message. If you are seeking a teacher of love and spirituality, he will not disappoint you."

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death. ~David Sarnoff

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun. ~From the television show Roseanne

Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live. ~Henry Van Dyke

We would love to know your thoughts about our newsletters -- which parts you like and what types of topics you are interested in -- so that we can continue to improve ourselves. Please spare a moment to write to us.

Like this page? Use the form below to share it with a friend. It will invite him or her to visit this page.