Befriending the Shadow within
By Dr. Tim Ong
The concepts of persona and shadow were first introduced into psychology by Carl Jung.
Basically, the persona is that part of us that we display to the world at large. It is the mask we wear or the facade we hold up when dealing with people. It is interesting to note that we wear a different mask in front of different people. For example, we act and behave differently in front of our family and in our office environment.
The shadow, on the other hand, is that part of us that we wish to hide, deny or repress. We do not want this part of us to be known to the world. We think this is the bad part of us. It is our dark side. Should the world learn that we are this shadow, we may not be accepted and loved. At least, that is what we believe unconsciously.
However, like all good scandals, the shadow will not be repressed. Sooner or later, it shows its face and exposes itself to the world. In fact, the shadow shows itself in many subtle ways through projections. What we deny in ourselves, we see in others. Furthermore, the more we deny it, the more emotional we react towards it. We do this unconsciously since we are unaware that we have this shadow. (So the next time you react strongly towards someone or something, look inward and see if you can recognize the shadow within.)
The shadow is not really bad. In fact, it offers us a great opportunity to grow and understand ourselves. To benefit from our shadow, we need to be aware of it, acknowledge it and embrace it. Only then can we let it go. The beauty about the shadow is that the moment we shine the light of wisdom onto it, it simply dissolves and disappears. Simply by being aware of it, recognizing it and acknowledging it lessen its influence on us.
Confronting our shadow may seem daunting at first but once we begin the process of facing up with it, the anxiety and fear will eventually subside, to be replaced by a feeling of lightness and joy. Befriending the shadow within us can improve our psychological well being, both mentally and emotionally, as well as improve our physical health. Spiritually, it brings us closer to our true nature and also a sense of acceptance that we are okay the way we are, with all the good and bad in us.
Befriending the Shadow within
To befriend our own shadow, we need the three prerequisites mentioned in our article last week - introspection, honesty and courage. We also would do well if we have trustworthy friends who are willing to give us honest and accurate feedback on how they perceive us to be, for there are times when others can see in us what we cannot see in ourselves. Working on our shadow will gradually reduce our Hidden/Facade, Blind and Unknown aspects and expands our Open aspect of the Johari Window.
Here are what you will need to befriend your own shadow:
1. Open your heart and mind
To begin befriending our own shadow, we must acknowledge the existence of our dark side. Accepting that the shadow is there within us, and knowing that the shadow represents a great opportunity for us to understand and know our true self, gives us the courage to face it.
2. Be forgiving to self and others
Do not be too hard on ourselves. Everyone of us has faults and flaws. It is not a sin to have them. However, we should not be afraid to face them and acknowledge them either. The more we sweep them under our conscious mind, the more they bubble up to the surface. The more we resist, the more they persist. They will eventually wear us down. Facing our own flaws help us to release those pent up energies that burden our heart, like a volcano that has erupted.
Accept our flaws. Embrace them. Make them our allies instead of our enemies. Then, they become our best teachers.
3. Let go
Do not cling on to the pains and fear that are invariably associated with our shadow. Acknowledge them, embrace them and then let them go. One way of doing this is to visualize those negative energies forming around the heart or stomach areas, and then see them explode or erupt like a volcano until all is released. Repeat these steps, if necessary, until all pent up negative energies are fully released.
About the Author
Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor with keen interest in self improvement, mind science and spirituality. He is also the author of "From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey" - a book that explores our hidden fears and how we can overcome them. Dr. Ong shares his personal experience as well as relates stories and lessons from his patients. You can get a copy of his ebook here (with a special discount): From Fear to Love.
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