On Trust in a Relationship
By Dr. Tim Ong, MBBS
Every relationship is sacred and should be treated as such. This is particularly so when two persons commit their lives to each other, whether in an officially sanctified marriage or in unspoken understanding between the two.
Unfortunately, many good relationships have been broken through unfaithfulness by either one of the parties. In most cases, the transgressions have been the man. So, for those men who are unfaithful or who are contemplating transgressions in their relationship, this is a timely reminder of what you will lose...
Whatever you give a woman,
she will make greater.
If you give her your sperm,
she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house,
she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries,
she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile,
she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap,
be ready to receive a ton of shit.
(Source: Funnies Section in a local newspaper)
It is not easy to build trust in a relationship. It takes years to slowly and lovingly cultivate trust but it only takes a moment of folly to bring everything down. So before you consider any transgression, remember what you may lose.
We should live our lives by our own high standard. We should not do things because we think we can get away with it or because everyone else is doing it. We live to honor ourselves and our values. Thus, we should not be swayed by what others may think, say or do if they do not meet our values.
Unfortunately, transgressions once committed cannot be undone. The pain inflicted is great and comes not just from the act of transgressions but more so from the betrayal of trust. How can your partner or spouse trust you from this point forth? How can the relationship be salvaged?
This is where forgiveness can help but not everyone can forgive. Whenever one is in great pain, it is difficult to find it in your heart to forgive. Instead, the instinct is to inflict as much, if not more, pain on the perpetrator, foolish as it may seem. After all, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, so said Mahatma Gandhi.
At this point, it might be good to consider that everyone makes mistakes. It is easy to judge another but we ourselves are not totally free from mistakes. Can we judge a person by a single action and dismiss all his previous achievements? If his act is out of character with his overall personality, are we not too harsh in our condemnation?
On the other hand, if unfaithfulness is his usual habit, then he better be willing to change himself for the better, not just for the sake of saving his relationship but more importantly for his own salvation. We are all meant to grow and become better than we are now.
Every mistake we made is an opportunity to grow.
About the Author
Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor with keen interest in self improvement, mind science and spirituality. He is also the author of "From Fear to Love: A Spiritual Journey" - a book that explores our hidden fears and how we can overcome them. Dr. Ong shares his personal experience as well as relates stories and lessons from his patients. You can get a copy of his ebook here (with a special discount): From Fear to Love.
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